Compliments are often the starting point for everything that follows, and not just when flirting. How to give a really good compliment
When was the last time you gave an honest compliment? Longer than that? Then you’re not alone. Nowadays, many people are stingy with nice words to the opposite sex. Often out of fear of a rejection or the worry of being misunderstood. But the advantages outweigh the disadvantages if you can bring yourself to say something flattering. With these 9 simple things you can make your partner happy.
Why are compliments important?
In a way, compliments are the lubricant in interpersonal communication – much like a smile. Because with a compliment, you can not only express your affection directly, but also give the other person a gift.
Although men receive compliments much less often than women, you have certainly experienced what it does to you when someone praises you. You feel appreciated, your heart swells. The effects can even be measured physically. Your body releases the bonding hormone oxytocin, happiness-inducing opioids and dopamine. By the way, this works even if the compliment is exaggerated.
How often should you give compliments?
However, the effect of a compliment wears off if someone receives praise for the same thing often and over and over again. That doesn’t mean you should say something nice to the same person less often. It does mean, however, that you can be creative. Make a compliment about something he/she is likely to hear rather infrequently, for example, about their good taste. This will be remembered much longer than a phrase about clothes. Small talk for beginners: how to get into the conversation.
Why are good compliments so difficult?
The typical questions you might ask yourself:
- What should I say?
- What if it’s taken the wrong way?
- What is it even okay to say?
- Which compliments do women/men like?
It is said that a person can live on a good compliment for a week. It is the cheapest way to please someone. But then why do we give out compliments so rarely? Why do many men prefer to say it through the flower or with a box of chocolates? Quite simply: out of insecurity. After all, it’s not so easy to say that to someone you admire for something. You don’t want it to sound artificial, and you don’t want to embarrass the person you’re talking to. Besides, we take a lot of things for granted and therefore don’t think it’s necessary to say them. Example: Your friend chose a movie, it was good. This would be the ideal time to praise her taste in movies: “Somehow you always pick the best movies.”
What compliments do women and men love?
It must come across honestly and not sound cliché. In addition, it should be specific and not a sweeping blow á la “You look good ” – yes, thank you very much!
Also, try not to refer compliments only to the appearance. Praise humor, the way someone laughs, warmth, serenity or contagious optimism. Your compliment should be like the only ray of sunshine on a gray morning – she/he will bask in it and feel good all day. Overcome your shyness with these 5 tricks.
Tips & Tricks: How does a good compliment work?
There’s no blanket answer to that, because everyone is flattered by something different. The trick is to notice the little things about your counterpart. Here are 5 golden rules for a successful compliment:
1. the compliment should stand for itself
You should never use a compliment to convince you of something. Example: “You have beautiful eyes. Would you like to have coffee with me sometime?” A compliment should never be linked to a request, otherwise it will lose its effect.
2. The compliment should not sound rehearsed.
Sure, it’s not always easy to get a compliment across your lips. But make sure your words don’t sound like you’ve rehearsed them 100 times in front of the mirror – even if they were. Wait for the right time to say it and then let your words come out more like a sideline.
3. the compliment should not be interchangeable
Nothing is worse than a compliment that can be given to any range. The more specific a praise, the better. Example: You noticed that a colleague takes care of all the plants in the office? Then say, “You really have a green thumb.”
4. the compliment should fit the type
When you say something flattering, it has to fit the person’s personality, otherwise you can quickly put your foot in your mouth. For example, if you want to praise good fashion taste and say “You could be a fashion blogger,” but the person doesn’t like influencers, they might even feel insulted.
5. the compliment may also reveal something about you.
You can also use the compliment to improve the bond. Example: she asks you if you’ll come to the cafeteria with the others. You reply, “Thanks for asking me. I would have missed it again otherwise. You are very attentive”. The compliment is well packaged and comes across as appreciative.
Conclusion: You can learn to give compliments
It’s not difficult to give a compliment – you just have to dare to do it. The good thing about it is that if you give compliments, you’re more likely to get them yourself. Important: Only give a compliment if you really mean it – cheating usually blows up in your face.